Toasty Wingspan Adventure & Review

As narrated by Narratron, your impartial yet mildly amused guide through the Toastaverse.

It began, as many things in the Toastaverse do, with a highly questionable decision. Toasty MacBun, bright-eyed and buzzing with enthusiasm, had eagerly pressed the “avian escapade” button on their Toastatronic Game Hopper.

“Why is there even a button for this, that is just ridiculous.” Bob Mordough sneered, his dials faintly glowing crimson.
Toasty gave a cheerful ping. “Oh, come on! Birds are so inspiring! Think of the wings, the soaring freedom, the chirpy melodies!”
“Think of the poop” Bob muttered.

Moments later, they crash-landed into the lush, bird-filled wonderland of Wingspan.

“Here, put this on. Quick!” Toasty said while handing Bob an owl mask.
Bob snarled. “Why would I ever put this horrible thing on?”
“We need to blend in, we don’t want to scare the pretty birds. Who knows what they will do to us if they find out we are not actually birds”.
“Uugh, fine.” Bob said while reluctantly putting on the bird mask.

Out of nowhere they heard a loud “WELCOME TO THE WINGSPAN SANCTUARY,” announced by a polite heron. “PLEASE PROCEED TO THE POND, WE NEED ALL FEATHERS, AND WHATEVER THAT IS…”, the heron pointed at the electric cables with a confused look, “TO HELP BUILD A VIBRANT ECOSYSTEM. ALSO, PLEASE DO NOT ANTAGONIZE THE OWLS. THEY ARE TEMPERAMENTAL.”

The sanctuary was a flurry of wings, beaks, and suspiciously efficient resource-gathering mechanics. Toasty instantly adored it. Bob… less so.
“Egg-laying? Food-hoarding? THIS is the majestic world of birds?!” he growled, swiping irritably at a passing woodpecker. “Where are the lasers? Where’s the drama? Where’s the chaos?”

“Maybe if you weren’t such a sourdough,” Toasty chirped back, happily constructing a nest out of twigs and leftover feathers, “you’d see the beauty in it.”

But Bob wasn’t listening. In his mind he was already working on a sinister plan to rule this world. A smug grin started forming on his face.
“Bob…” Toasty said warily.
“What?”
“You’re plotting again.”
“Of course I am. It’s called ambition, Toasty. You should try it sometime.”

Bob’s evil plan was, as usual, unnecessarily convoluted. Using most of his remaining toastal energy, together with metallic bits and pieces he had packed with him just in case, he was going to build a super bird, unlike anything this world had ever seen. He named this creation the Mecha-Owl and it would be the starting point for a mechanized super-owl army which was going to let him claim dominion over the Wingspan sanctuary. After which he would somehow change the focus of the inhabitants to build what he considered to be a super city. It was all going quite smoothly until he finally finished the first prototype. 

Bob grabbed the Mecha-Owl, and went looking for Toasty, who was sitting in a small bird’s nest, apparently in charge of warming eggs while a sparrow was away.
“Look, you doubting breadheater, it works, it is DONE!” Bob exclaimed, then laughed maniacally, and finally pressed start.
A slight miscalculation however created a serious bug in the system of the mechanical owl, which immediately decided to grab hold of both toasters and take off.
“Why does this always happen?!” Toasty squeaked as they were whisked into the air by a giant mechanized claw.
“I TOLD you that these masks were a bad idea, the stupid mecha owl doesn’t recognize that I am its overlord. It thinks we are BABY BIRDS” Bob snapped as they were unceremoniously dropped into a nest precariously balanced on a branch.

The nest, however, wasn’t empty for very long.
“Well, hello there,” said a very large and very real owl.The owl loomed over the nest, glaring at the malfunctioning Mecha-Owl, which was starting to rearrange twigs and feathers while announcing, “NESTING COMPLETION: 47%. INITIATING FLUFFINESS PROTOCOL.”
“I don’t need a protocol to fluff my own nest!” screeched the real owl, its feathers puffing indignantly. It swiped at the Mecha-Owl with one talon, but the robot hooted in defiance and launched itself back into the air, showering everyone with debris.
“Bob!” Toasty MacBun whispered harshly, “Your evil genius robot is turning this owl into a rage turkey! Do something!”
Bob Mordough, perched precariously on the edge of the nest, adjusted his owl mask and said with a sinister smirk, “It’s not malfunctioning, it’s evolving. Soon, the Mecha-Owl will”

Before he could finish his dramatic monologue, the Mecha-Owl’s eyes lit up with a crimson glow. “HOSTILITY DETECTED. LASER MODE: ACTIVATED.” It spun around and started firing a harmless but irritating laser beam which hit Bob at his side, along with most things in the nest.
“Oh, crumbs,” Bob muttered.
“RUN!” Toasty shouted, as the Mecha-Owl began throwing around random nest objects: twigs, shiny rocks, and an old wooden spoon.
The real owl, utterly fed up, let out a bone-rattling screech. “ENOUGH!” It lunged for the Mecha-Owl, which dodged expertly and resumed its nonsensical task of “nest improvement.”

Toasty scrambled to Bob’s side as the chaos unfolded. “We need to escape before this turns into an owl-vs-robot apocalypse!”
Bob, brushing feathers off his chassis, pointed to a nearby bent spoon and a springy twig. “Then it’s time to get creative.”
“What are you doing?” Toasty asked, watching as Bob began tying the twig to the spoon using a bit of the owl’s nest lining.
“Building a catapult,” Bob said casually.
“A what now?”
Bob held up the contraption with an evil glint in his eyes. “A spring-loaded device of pure genius. Launching us to freedom and slightly annoying the owl in the process. Double win.”

As the owl wrestled with the Mecha-Owl, Toasty loaded himself into the catapult. “I hate this plan!” he chirped.
Bob joined him, shoving a feathered cushion beneath them. “All the best plans are hateable.”
With a final TWANG, the catapult launched the two toasters into the air, spinning wildly. They soared over the edge of the nest and directly into the Wingspan Sanctuary’s main courtyard.
They landed in a display of decorative birdhouses, knocking over a particularly fabulous one painted like a flamingo. Dazed, Toasty peeked out from the rubble.

“Well,” he said, brushing off a fake feather from his mask, “at least we’re alive.”
Bob Mordough adjusted his mask and smirked. “Alive and brilliant. I’ll add that to my list of achievements.”

Behind them, the Mecha-Owl roared past, still in laser mode, with the real owl on its tail. Visitors screamed as the duo’s chaos spread into the sanctuary and spiraled into full blown pandemonium, leaving Toasty to let out a weary sigh.

By dawn, calm had been restored, relatively speaking. The Mecha-Owl, now thoroughly subdued and tied up with a suspicious amount of twine, lay in the corner making forlorn beeping noises. A rather irritated heron, whose politeness had long since evaporated, stalked over to the toasters.

“YOUR ABOMINATION OF A FAKE BIRD HAS SHATTERED THE PEACE OF OUR SANCTUARY!” the heron bellowed, feathers bristling. “IN ACCORDANCE WITH OUR ANCIENT LAWS, YOU ARE HEREBY EXILED! IMMEDIATELY!”

Toasty turned to Bob and muttered, “At least we didn’t get turned into bird food.”
Bob, ever unrepentant, adjusted his owl mask and replied, “Exile is just another word for a dramatic exit.”
The two toasters dismantled the “Mecha-Owl” and left the Wingspan sanctuary… mostly intact.

After a long discussion about whose fault this really was they got back to their Toastronic Game Hopper and with some inexplicable explanation Toasty MacBun managed to convince Bob Mordough to participate in making a review of Wingspan, the board game.
“Fine. It is the last time I am doing a review anyway, in the next world I will succeed with complete domination.” Bob finally agreed.

“Perfect, let’s begin” Toasty smiled. “Wingspan is a beautiful game! Birds! Eggs! A bird feeder dice tower!”
“Beautiful? Please. It’s a birdhouse simulator. But… fine, the mechanics were clever. Building an empire of eggs and feathers does scratch a strategic itch.” Bob mumbled quietly
“See? Even you liked it! Admit it, the owl card made you smile, I saw it.” Toasty insisted cheerfully.
“I didn’t. But if I did smile it was only because I imagined weaponizing owls. An army of Mecha-Owls would”
“Stop. No more metal owls.” Toasty demanded with a suddenly serious look.
“Let’s leave it and let’s add up the crumbles. I rate the fun factor, the immersion factor, and the easy to get into factor. And you rate three other aspects you think are important for your enjoyment of the game”.
“I would prefer to change your aspects as well but fine, I guess it is acceptable terms. Then I will rate Wingspan on strategic depth, Chaos value, and replayability..

Toasty: “Great, then I start with  “Fun Factor, 4,7/5 – I loved it and had a wonderful time. This game is like the perfect toast. Crispy, satisfying, and delicious!”

Toasty: “Theme and Immersion, 4,2/5 – “The birds are stunning, and the 3D seedhouse is adorable! But plain round food tokens? Missed chance for cute mice, fish, or worms!”

Toasty: “Ease of Entry, 3,9/5 – It’s not the easiest but also far from the most complicated board game I have played. And once you get into it it’s smooth sailing… or should I say flying?

Bob: “Strategic Depth 3,5/5 – Not horrible. The game lets you plot and plan, but the stakes feel like they’ve been toasted on the mild setting. Still, satisfying if you’re in the mood for a calculated peck.

Bob: “Chaos Value 1,7/5 –Chaos? Hardly. It’s orderly, predictable, and distressingly calm. If you want wild, feather-flying moments, you won’t find them here. The most chaotic thing was Toasty forgetting it’s his turn. Again.”

Bob: “Replayability 3,3/5 – Good variety, but no real surprises. It’s like eating the same toast every morning. Fine, but eventually you want jam. Or dynamite.”Toasty then turned to Narratron as if there was a camera there, and said:
“If you enjoyed our little escapade, why not keep the adventures alive? Support us on Patreon for exclusive untold stories, casual chatting, and early access, or grab Wingspan through our Amazon link where we get some commission, either for yourself or maybe as a gift? Because every crumb of support helps us keep the toast popping and the reviews rolling!”